Vote for the Best Aquarium in America

USA Today wants to know which is the best aquarium in the United States, and they want you to tell them!  Click on the link below and choose from one of the twenty options that are provided.  Among them are several that have been reviewed on this blog already, including Chicago's Shedd Aquarium, Boston's New England Aquarium, and the National Aquarium in Baltimore. 

I've been to ten of the twenty so far, and have hopes of seeing the rest in the near future.  It's a great way to help celebrate some great aquariums, highlighting note only their amazing exhibits and unbelievable animals, but also all that they do for conservation, wildlife rehabilitation, and education.

Vote - Best Aquarium Nominees

Theresa May vs. the Okapi

"Jut because you do not take an interest in politics does not mean that politics does not take an interest in you"

- Pericles

The fate of wildlife conservation programs - both in the field and in zoos and aquariums - is inevitably, irrevocably bound up with all sorts of seemingly unrelated factors.  These may be cultural, economical, and, of course political.  Here's an insight into how the proposed Brexit, Britain's planned departure from the European Union, may impact zoo-based breeding programs for endangered species in Europe.

"No-deal" Brexit puts rare giraffes at risk, too

Jokes on the Inside

It was probably the funniest joke I'd ever heard.  Years later, I still remember it at random times and crack up over it.  And the best part for me is that almost no one that I know who was not in the room at the time would have gotten.

We were at a lecture on crocodilian conservation, and the speaker, a noted expert in the field, was going on a tangent about the fact that many species of crocodile can hybridize, both in the wild and in captivity.  We discussed the threats posed to the genetic purity of the Cuban crocodile in the wild as its habitat vanishes and the more adaptable American crocodile muscles its way in.  We talked about how on crocodile farms in Southeast Asia, the critically endangered Siamese crocodile is crossed willy-nilly with the far more common saltwater crocodile.  And then we reached the finale.

"But most of all," the speaker droned, "the worst possible cross-breed - from the perspective of animal welfare, is to hybridize the saltwater crocodile with the African dwarf crocodile.  Can anyone guess why that might be?"

We all guessed.  We were all wrong.  On the next slide, the speaker presented us with a caricature of a geriatric crocodile, bent over a walker in obvious discomfort.

"Because it can lead to... osteo-porosus," he replied, suddenly breaking into a grin.

It took a moment to sink in.  Then the entire room burst into laughter.

It helps if you know that the African dwarf crocodile is of the genus Osteolamus... and the saltwater crocodile is Crocodylus porosus."  Osteo... porosus.  I don't know why, but even typing this, I'm chuckling.   To this day I wonder how he came up with that pun.  Was he just word-smithing as a hobby, coming up with that cross and planning an entire lecture just so he could spring it on us?  If so, well played, doctor.  Well played.

At another presentation, years earlier, a speaker showed us a picture of a red-and-white can of soda, and asked us to identify it.  "It's a Coke," we replied.  No, he insisted  - it's proper name.  "Coca cola, then."  He was satisfied - and then showed us a picture of that same can, this time prominently held in front of a sign for the San Diego Zoo.  And now?  Still a Coca Cola, we thought.  Wrong - it's a Coca cola cola - it's at San Diego Zoo, therefore it must have three names.

From many of us, an audible groan erupted.  Many of us who had worked with San Diego were aware of their seeming obsession with assigning their animals subspecies (the third name) even in somewhat dubious cases.

I like to think that most professions filled with often useless, arcane knowledge have jokes like this, ones that are only accessible to a handful of people.  We laugh not because they are funny... they really aren't that funny.  It's because we know that no one else will get them, and that by laughing, we're bonding with other members of our group.

Species Fact Profile: Australian Walking Stick

Australian Walking Stick (Giant Prickly Stick Insect, Macleay's Spectre)

Extatosoma tiaratum (Macleay, 1826)

Range: New Guinea, Eastern Australia
Habitat: Rainforest, Grassland
Diet: Eucalyptus, Other Leaves
Reproduction: Capable of reproducting either sexually or asexually, depending on whether males are present.  If the eggs are produced sexually, they will hatch in four months.  If they are not, they will hatch in nine months.  Female flicks her eggs with her tail, throwing them into the leaf litter.  If reproduction is asexual, only females will be produced
Lifespan: 6-8 Months (Males), 18 Months (Females)
Conservation Status: IUCN Least Concern

• Females are up to 20 centimeters long, 25 grams, much more heavy-bodied than the males, which are about half that length.  Tail curls over the back
• Individual coloration varies from brown to green, cream-colored, yellow, or white
• Females are covered with large thorn-like spines for defense and camouflage, which are much reduced or absent from males.  Males have well-developed wings and can fly, while the wings are females are vestigial and they cannot fly
• Incapable of biting or stinging, rely on camouflage for protection (actively sway while walking to better resemble a leaf int he wind).  If threatened, they may mimic a scorpion in posture and secrete a smell (resembles toffee)
• Eggs may be carried off by ants, which may feed on the lipid coating of the eggs, leaving them unharmed.  The newly hatched nymphs resemble ants themselves, possibly protecting themselves through mimicry
• Very popular in the pet trade and among hobbyists due to its impressive size, striking appearance, harmless nature, and relative ease in propagation 

Sharks for Sale

Unlike past decades, most modern zoos in North America and Europe obtain their animals not from the wild, but from each other.  A bear born in Buffalo may go to Washington DC, and have offspring there that go to San Diego, or even to another country.  There are Species Survival Plans for hundreds of species, and Regional Collection Plans that encompass hundreds of others.

Still, for many species - especially of reptiles, amphibians, fish, and invertebrates - there is a reliance on some other sources.  Foremost among those are breeders and dealers.  If I want a certain species of lizard for a reptile house and I can't find one within AZA, I might go to a breeder who works with that species and purchase some.  Of course, before doing that, I would want to do some homework first.  I'd ask around with other zoos to see if they've worked with that individual or company.  Not only would I want to make sure that the animals they've obtained from them were healthy and well-cared for, I'd want to make sure that the breeder was operating in an ethical, legal manner.

Lest we forget, the awesome book Stolen World by Jennie Smith provides a reminder of what can happen when you don't follow this rule.

This is important.  I don't want to support an individual who is participating in illegal or immoral practices.  I also don't want to connect my institution to any possible scandal.

Dutchess County man in hot water over sharks in basement pool

This article's title makes the man in question sound like some sort of comic book supervillain.  In truth, he is a very knowledgeable individual who has supplied sharks and other marine life to a variety of collectors, some of them public aquariums (though apparently those transactions were legal).  Sometimes people who are the most knowledgeable and have the most skills can fool themselves into thinking that the law doesn't apply to them, it's for those folks who don't know what they are doing.  That can be a dangerous trap to fall into, and this gentleman seems to have paid the consequences.

Sometimes it does not pay to take your work home with you...

Thank God It's... Tuesday?

"Everybody's working for the weekend,

Everybody wants a little romance.

Everybody's goin' off the deep end,

Everybody needs a second chance."

- Loverboy, Working for the Weekend

Ah, Friday night.  That most magical of times of the week, when the workday trickles to a close and you find yourself footloose and fancy free for two whole days.  Maybe you'll catch up with some friends, or engage in some hobbies, or do some work around the house... or just sleep.  The weekend is your oyster!

Unless, of course, you are a zookeeper.  Then the world is an oyster for your visitors, and you are probably on shucking duty.

It's always baffled me.  Lots of people work the weekends.  Retail employees.  Police and firefighters.  Hospital staff.  And yet it still seems to confuse so many of my friends (well, the ones that I have left due to my work schedule) that I... work... on... Saturday... and... Sunday.  It's like, every week it comes as a fresh surprise.  It shouldn't.  First of all, animals need care, regardless of the day.  If the animals are going to need me to come in and feed and clean up after them on Christmas, or during a Category Five hurricane, they sure as heck aren't going to give me a break just because it's Saturday.

Secondly, weekends are when many families like to get together for bonding, recreational activities... like going to the zoo... where I work.  As a result, the weekends are quite busy.

There is a lot to be said, however, for having week days off.  It's great going to the grocery store when no one else is there.  If you don't mind going to the movies by yourself, you can catch a matinee and have a theater virtually to yourself.  For my favorite past time - going to other zoos and aquariums - there's no better time to go than in the middle of the work week, especially if it's not field trip season.   I've gotten to explore a new zoo in complete silence - just the animals, the staff (who are probably wondering who this weirdo is by himself on some random Tuesday), and me.

The best of both worlds, of course, is what many zoos do for managers.  Half will get Friday and Saturday off, the others will get Sunday and Monday.  That way, everyone splits the chaotic weekends and gets one day off with friends or family, and one day to themselves.

The worst of every world is what I had to deal with at one employer where I'm pretty sure my boss would get drunk, put on a blindfold, and throw darts at the calendar every week to determine who was on and who was off for what days each week.

There's going to come a time, especially if I settle down and start a family, where having Saturday and Sunday off every week will be extremely desirable.   It'll be great to be off when everyone else is, and to be able to count on being off for holidays and the like.  I certainly won't miss the Saturday morning crowds at the zoo, yanking children off of fences and yelling at glass-bangers all day. 

I might, however, miss those lazy Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, when everyone else got to be the sucker with a job, and only I had a little taste of freedom. 

From the News: For just $14.2 million, you could own a zoo

For just $14.2 million, you could own a zoo

And not just a zoo, but also a fun park, mini golf, a haunted house, etc - I wonder if they'll lower the price if I just want the zoo?  Or who knows, maybe I can modify the whole place, turn the haunted house into a reptile house or something?

Periodically, when news articles like this are posted, I'll often see a bunch of zookeepers online go "OMG, we should pull together all of our money (all $20 of it) and buy it together!"

That's always struck me as a terrible idea.  Zookeepers are a notoriously fractious lot, and I think that if a bunch of us all tried running a zoo together, with no one in charge, we'd all kill each other and fast.  We'd be fighting over whether to be AZA or not, whether to work free-contact with some species or protected contact, and a thousand other feuds.

I hope York's Wild Kingdom finds a buyer who takes great care of it.  The world could always use more good zoos.

The Wages of Keeping

From the Facebook group "Zookeeper Problems" - thankfully this hasn't been what I've experienced, but I acknowledge that I've been lucky/privileged/whatever you want to call it compared to many of my coworkers.  Having the best animal care possible starts with having the best staff... and keeping them.  It's hard to be your best keeper when you're pulled between two or three jobs or are constantly stressed about rent.   I've worked at some decently paying places, but I know there are many zookeepers out there working for pocket change.  It becomes sad to see so many promising folks pushed out of the field because they have to choose between their passion and making a livelihood.

color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; text-align: left;">"Sometimes the most difficult zookeeper problem... is not being a zookeeper anymore. We may not do our job for the money, but no amount of passion can pay the rent or put food on the table for your family. We shouldn’t have to have second jobs or side hustles to survive, especially when zookeeping is a career that demands so much of our time and energy. Zoos, aquariums, sanctuaries, and all zoological institutions should pay a living, thriving wage "

Zoo Review: Downtown Aquarium - Denver

The Denver Zoo may boast of a few aquatic exhibits as part of its Tropical Discovery building, but it is a mere fishbowl compared to one of its neighbors in the Mile High City.  Located along the banks of the South Platte River, the Downtown Aquarium of Denver is the largest aquarium between Illinois and California.  

The facility has had its share of ups and downs over the years.  It originally opened as Colorado's Ocean Journey, proving wildly popular with the public until the economic downturn after the September 11th attacks.  Faced with closure, the aquarium was purchased by the Landry's restaurant group, which purchased it, closed it for renovations, and reopened it as the Downtown Aquarium, a combination aquarium/restaurant.  Landry's also operates a sister facility in Texas, the Downtown Aquarium of Houston.  I'm shocked that the Denver facility is supposedly the larger of the two.  So much for everything being bigger in Texas, huh?

Following the purchase and renovation, the Downtown Aquarium still largely follows the design of its original plan.  It charts the flow of two rivers - one in Colorado, one in Indonesia - as they make their way to the ocean.  The geography has been fudged somewhat on the later, turning it into more of a tropical river exhibit, but other than that, it all holds the same.

After ascending a whale-shaped escalator, visitors start their journey in the streams of North America, where they walk through a simulated canyon flanked by tanks of Rio Grande chub, rainbow trout, and other freshwater species.  Most of the visitor attention will probably be focused on the North American river otters.  The otters can be seen underwater, above water, or in their den through a window.  It's in an impressive enough exhibit, but I immediately forgot it when I rounded the next corner and found myself in a darkened room.  There, through floor-to-ceiling glass, I stood entranced watching enormous white sturgeons glide in front of me.  I'll admit a tendency of mine to gloss over fish when I go to aquariums (silly, considering, after all, that it's an aquarium), but these big guys really stayed with me, and I watched them for quite a while.

The exhibit path then turns to the deserts, beginning with a walk through a stimulated flash-flood zone (complete with sound and lighting effects).  The effect is furthered by the replicated skeleton of a Mosasaur, a prehistoric marine reptile, being embedded in the rockwork nearby, reminding visitors that what now is desert once was seabed.  Continuing along, there are  small exhibits of endangered desert fish, as well as a few small habitats of reptiles and amphibians and an open air exhibit of non-releasable shorebirds.

More aquatic habitats are explored in the Wharf, a peek underneath the docks of a Pacific harbor town.  It's a pretty cool exhibit - no quite immersive (I find it almost impossible for aquarium exhibits to be immersive, considering that you are obviously breathing and therefore not underwater), but pretty stylish.  The main tank features leopard sharks and a host of other medium-sized fishes, which visitors can pop into the middle of for closer peeks using tunnels and bubbles.  Small stand alone tanks feature smaller fish and marine invertebrates.

If there is one exhibit that really makes this aquarium stand out - for good or for ill - in the eyes of most visitors, it is the Rainforest.  Many aquariums have displays of Amazon River fishes, coupled perhaps with sloths, monkeys, caiman, and birds.  The exhibit here originally focused on Indonesian river life, broadening into rainforests of the world.  There are tanks of piranhas,  African cichlids, archerfish, and Asian arowanas (the much sought-after species described in The Dragon Behind the Glass, by Emily Voigt), among other rainforest fish, to be sure, along with turtles and macaws.  The main attraction, however, is the tiger habitat - a completely indoor towering habitat for Sumatran tigers, which can be seen through several windows perched on rocky crags or splashing in their pool.  This is one of only two indoor aquarium buildings I've seen to exhibit a big cat - and to be honest, I'm not even sure if the other exhibit (Dallas World Aquarium's jaguar exhibit) is still around.  The exhibit is of a good size - at least as big as some outside tiger exhibits I've seen - and looks naturalistic enough.  Still, it just looked... weird to me have a big cat entirely indoors.  The Houston branch on the Downtown Aquarium also keeps tigers (white Bengals, in their case) in an indoor enclosure, and they are constantly targeted by animal rights groups.  Strangely, I haven't heard much of Denver being bothered by them - though I did note a few docents who seemed to be permanently stationed by the tigers, perhaps to answer such questions and head off criticisms.

Pass the tigers, things get a bit more conventional.  There are coral reef exhibits and a major shark exhibit, where green sawfish, barracuda, and other big fish glide alongside sand tiger sharks and nurse sharks.  (One feature that I loved was that the tank extends beneath visitors as well - you can look through windows in the floor and watch sharks swimming directly under your feeet).  There is a touch tank where stingrays can be fed, with an exhibit of giant Pacific octopus stationed nearby.  And, finally, there is the obligatory gift shop.  At the end is the aquarium's rather fancy looking restaurant, where patrons can dine while watching the fish swim by.  I didn't stay (read: probably couldn't afford) to eat, but I did sneak in to take a look around and see what the experience must be like.  I must admit, it's a great view.  (In the old aquarium, this was a sea otter exhibit before being re-purposed as a restaurant when Landry bought the facility).  Be sure to check out the parkland outside, along the river.  It's quite pretty and relaxing.

I'm still have a hard time believing that the Downtown Aquarium is the biggest between the Mississippi River and California - I feel like I went through it fairly quickly.  Like many of the newer aquariums, it's built along a straight-shot path, which seems to discourage rambling and exploring (Chicago's Shedd Aquarium is still my favorite in that respect).  Exhibits looked nice enough with an impressive variety of marine and freshwater life, though I feel like many of these aquariums are getting a little cookie-cutter with their displays and species selection.  Of course, that excludes the cat in the room...

The tiger exhibit was actually much nicer than I thought it would be.  It was big, it seemed enriched, and the cat I saw seemed healthy and content.  That being said, it also just seemed shoe-horned in.  If I were making a completely indoor exhibit of Indonesian river life, I can't say tigers would have been my go-to idea.  Granted, they've already got one otter exhibit so probably don't need a second one.  Tomistoma or some other crocodilian?  Fishing cat?  Malayan tapir, even?  I know Landry bought the building and it already had a tiger exhibit built into it, but they've made other changes.  On the other hand, I'm torn.  I have a hard time telling if it's the tiger exhibit itself that makes me uncomfortable (as I've said myself, it's better than I expected and the animals looked fine) or whether I just know that a lot of people find exhibits like this questionable, and so I want to cut potential losses and do something else.  The later, I admit, is not the way we should be managing animal collections and is a bit cowardly of me.

Having seen the Downtown Aquarium of Denver, I would be up for going to the Houston facility next time I'm in that city and making up my own mind about it.  I suspect that I might find that rumors and reports of that aquarium fail to do it proper justice.

Downtown Aquarium - Denver

Out of the Frying Pan, Into the... Shark Tank?

California student apologizes after jumping into aquarium shark tank

On tonight's episode of "Things I Can't Believe We Have To Tell People"... when you go to the aquarium consider... not jumping into the shark tank.  Even if you ARE offered cash and a fancy belt as a prize for your heroic deeds.  Well, not that heroic in this case, as the sharks in question were of a rather non-aggressive species (which makes sense, otherwise he never would have had access), but still.  The bonehead could have hurt them, and that's what I really care about.

To give the kid credit, his apology does sound suitably contrite, and he will be performing some community service at the Living Coast Discovery Center, where the incident took place.

Hey, who knows?  Maybe he and jaguar-lady can meet up and go on tour together?  Just not at my zoo, please.  I have enough headaches already.

Nyala Rescue at Pittsburgh Zoo

Not all heroes wear capes.  Some, it seems, wear sopping wet zoo uniforms, which will probably result in death by hypothermia if they don't change out of them, like, now.  This zookeeper at the Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium was caught on camera as she jumped into a freezing cold moat to rescue a young nyala, and African antelope which had ventured out onto the ice and fell through.

Species Fact Profile: Great Barracuda (Sphyraena barracuda)

Great Barracuda

Sphyraena barracuda (Edwards in Catesby, 1771)

Range: Tropical and Subtropical Oceans Worldwide (Absent from Eastern Pacific Ocean)
Habitat: Coral Reefs, Mangroves, Coastal Waters
Diet: Fish, Cephalopods, Crustaceans
Social Grouping: Solitary, Small Aggregations, Very Rarely Large Schools
Reproduction: Reproductive season may vary across range.  Males sexually mature at 2 years, females at 4 years.  Eggs fertilized in open water to disperse on currents.  Larvae settle into shallow waters, move into deeper waters at 1-2 years old as they approach adulthood
Lifespan: 10-15 Years
Conservation Status: IUCN Least Concern

• Up to 1.5 meters in length, weigh up to 44 kilograms.  Long, tubular body (rounded in the midsection) with small fins, set back towards the tail. Head is flattened with two rows of sharp teeth; pronounced underbite
• Dark bluish-gray on the back, fading with silver or white on the stomach, often with some dark spotting or barring on the sides
• Ambush predators, hunt during the day largely by sight.  Capable of swimming at speeds of nearly 60 kilometers per hour, but not very maneuverable 
• Few predators as adults, though small adults may be taken by sharks, tuna, and goliath groupers.  Larvae have many predators
• Have been reported to herd schools of fish into shallow water and "guard" them there until they are hungry enough to feed
• Not particularly sought after as a food fish, but may be fished for sport.  May pose a danger to eat due to bioaccumulation of toxins, due to their location at the top of the food chain
• Known to occasionally attack humans, presumably when attracted to shiny objects in the water (such as jewelry) for the scales of a fish, or when trying to rob a spear-fisher.  Human fatalities are very rare, but have been documented

Of Stupidity and Selfies

Wildlife World Zoo - Jaguar Attacks Selfie Taker

Today's friendly reminder - when visiting the zoo, please respect the barriers that are in place to separate you from the animals, especially the large carnivores.  Yes, even if you have a shot at a really awesome selfie...

Anthropomorphism - An Unhealthy Trend, by Scott Borden

Anthropomorphism: the attribution of human traits, emotions, or intentions to non-human entities

It is considered to be an innate tendency of human psychology.  Something that's extremely common, especially in [animal care].  It's something I've seen for many years at varying degrees, and always seems to annoy experienced keepers.  The reality is there are a lot of negative unhealthy actions in the care of thes animals that stem from this.  I don't want this blog to be perceived as negative by the many folks who are guilty of it... but I do want you to have awareness of some of these things and realize the negative impacts it can have on your animals health (physical and psychological even).

Read the full article here.

I feel like this post by Mr. Borden is both complimentary and contradictory to the post by Clifford Warwick that I shared last month, detailing the dangers of what he called "Folklore Husbandry."

Yes, it is important to recognize our animals for what they are.  The things that they like, want, and need are not necessarily what we like, want, or need, and we need to respect that when formulating their care. A  chameleon does not want to live with a half-dozen other chameleon "friends" or cuddle daily with its keeper - that would be the most stressful hell imaginable for it.

However, I also think there is a risk of becoming too robotic, too rigid in our thinking about the animal.  There is plenty of room for empathy and compassion in caring for our charges, without infantilzing them or humanizing them.

The best keepers I've ever known were the ones who were skilled at getting in the heads of their animals and really figuring out what they wanted - not the ones who constantly tried to impose upon the animal what they themselves wanted.

The Naked Mammoths of the Oregon Zoo

One of the most persistent questions that visitors ask zoo professionals is, what happens to the animals in the winter?  I feel like that's an especially good question this year, with all of the crazy ups and downs in temperatures we've experienced.  The Oregon Zoo has just released this little video showing how their Asian elephants have been handling the cold this year. 

I love watching elephants in the snow (provided that they have the option to be inside and warm, as Oregon Zoo's elephants do).   I feel like - if you squint a little and use some imagination - it offers our best glimpse in what it must have been like thousands of years ago, when early man shared the tundra and the taiga with woolly mammoths.

The Wildlife War

The late Steve Irwin, better known as "The Crocodile Hunter," liked to refer to himself as a Wildlife Warrior.  It was a memorable nickname, one that made for a good soundbite on television, but it hinted at a darker truth.  In some parts of the world, wildlife conservation truly is a war.  And in war, people die... and not from stingray barbs.

For as long as governments have sought to enforce laws against the hunting of wildlife by posting guards and game wardens, there has been armed conflict with poachers, sometimes lethal.  It has taken place throughout history and into literature - the English folk hero Robin Hood got his start as a young lad who shot and killed a ranger in Sherwood Forest while poaching deer.  One of America's earliest conservation heroes was Guy Bradley, who in 1905 was murdered by a plume hunter who was slaughtering egrets in the Everglades.  These days, the shooting wars are at their worst in sub-Saharan Africa and southern Asia.

Sometimes poachers kill game wardens and rangers.  Sometimes the rangers kill the poachers, or suspected poachers.  And sometimes, as is coming to light, some of those rangers are funded by western nonprofits... including some of the biggest names in conservation.

WWF's Secret War: WWF Funds Guards Who Have Tortured and Killed People

This is a hard read.  Our society often rails against poachers - any news article about elephants, rhinos, or other endangered species usually has a comment section filled with people who are outraged by poachers.  Often they express the desire to hunt or kill the poachers themselves.  Stepping aside for a moment from the consideration that there is (and should be) presumption of innocence, due process, and other legal rights, this has still made me deeply uncomfortable. You can imagine how such sentiments might play out in the developing world, where a poor villager or struggling farmer would react to the statement that rich white Americans or Europeans value his life - or those of his family members - so far below those of animals.

If wildlife is to survive outside of our zoos - if it is to have a future in the wild - than it must have the support, or at least tolerance, of the people who share those landscapes.  WWF says that it is initiating an investigation into these charges against the rangers it sponsors.  I hope they are addressed and explained soon.  The world is watching...

Book Review: War With the Newts

"I have no doubt that the First Congress of Caudate Amphibians represents a remarkable scientific success; but when I get a day off I'll go to the Jardin des Plantes and straight to Andrias Scheuchzer's tank, in order to say to him softly: 'You, Newt, when your day comes... heaven forbid you should take it into your head to investigate scientifically the psychological life of homo sapiens!'"

I once heard a pundit describe homophobia as "a man's fear that other men will treat him in the manner that he treats women," which is to say, often, "badly."  What, then, would we call the fear of animals treating us in the manner that we treat other animals?  In 1936, Czech author Karel Capek posed that question.  The answer was born in his book, War with the Newts, perhaps one of the most telling fictional books ever written about mankind's treatment of animals, and each other.

In Capek's story, a sea captain in the East Indies comes across a remote island that is home to a colony of almost human-sized newts, a sort of seafaring version of the Japanese giant salamander, though more human-like in appearance and abilities.  (It's worth noting that this story was written less than 30 years after the  discovery of the Komodo dragon, also on a remote island in the East Indies).  Within years of the discovery, the newts have gone from being a mere rumor to a scientific curiosity displayed in zoological parks to - following the discovery of their ability to perform marvels of undersea engineering, such as building dams and dredging harbors, to a cornerstone of the global economy.  Freed from their natural predators and given free-rein to colonize the oceans and coastlines of the world, the salamanders begin to remake the world in their image. 

For most of the book, humans cheerfully cling to the illusion that they are still in control.

Most of the book, told in the form of newspaper clippings, interviews, and other sources Capek creates, tell the story of man's relationship with the newts.  It's a dark symbiosis.  On one hand, the newts go from being a very localized endangered species, unable to venture from a single lagoon due to the presence of sharks, to the world's most invasive species, their numbers soaring into the millions.  On the other, their exploitation is pretty brutal.  They are relentlessly poached from the wild, dying in droves, to satisfy market demands.  They are put to every use imaginable, from racing pet to food stuff.  The quote at the top of this page comes at the conclusion of a symposium of their physiology, where scientists from across the globe met to discuss how newts coped with the loss of eyes or limbs or intestines, or at what temperature or salinity they died the quickest.  Their services are demanded constantly, yet they themselves are barely tolerated by humans - even when newts save the passengers of a sinking ferry, in a manner which dolphins are reported to do occasionally, the survivors are only disgusted that newts were allowed to touch them.

Which, spoiler alert (though not really... I mean, it's in the title...) makes it all the more satisfying, in a grim sort of way, when the newts begin to take their revenge.

Capek's musings on anthrozoology are great, though he really wanted to convey lessons on colonialism, internationalism, and racism, which he does with grim prescience, especially considering when he wrote this book.  The demands of Germany to have more "living space" for their "superior" newts are especially chilling, since the Third Reich had barely begun before Capek went to press.

I'd like to point out that there are only two human characters in the book who really seem to show any honest affection for the newts or interest in their well-being.  One is the sea captain who initially discovers the newts and becomes their devoted champion.  The second is a zookeeper at the London Zoo, who befriends one in his care, even teaching it to talk and read (yes, this is science fiction after all).

Perhaps if any of the species that we share the earth with today decide to stage a coup and take over the world, some specimens will remember the kindnesses showed to them by zookeepers and show some mercy.

It would be a nice thought, anyway.

War With the Newts at Amazon.com

Species Fact Profile: Titicaca Water Frog (Telmatobius culeus)

Titicaca Water Frog

Telmatobius culeus (Garman, 1876)

Range: Lake Titicaca and Surrounding Waterways (Peru-Bolivia Border)
Habitat: Mountain Lakes and Rivers
Diet: Snails, Crustaceans, Tadpoles, Fish
Social Grouping: Solitary
Reproduction: Breed in the summer in shallow waters near the shore.  Males release sperm as females release eggs, about 500 eggs per season.  No parental care provided.  Juveniles spend their lives in shallower water, moving to the depths as they mature
Lifespan: 20 Years
Conservation Status: IUCN Critically Endangered, CITES Appendix I

• World's largest purely aquatic frog, measuring up to 14 centimeters long, weigh 250 grams.  Females larger than males
• Males and females look alike.  Dorsal skin is a variable combination of green, grey, brown, or black, while the ventral surface is much paler
• Head is large and flat.  Hind legs are long and powerful; only the hind feet have webbing.  Skin hangs off the body in loose folds, giving the frog a baggy appearance.  These skin folds serve to increase oxygen absorption n the water (skin is also thinner than many other frogs)
• Entirely aquatic; spends almost all of its time at the bottom of the lake, which has a much more consistent temperature than the surface water.  The lungs are small and poorly developed; the frogs will only come to the surface to breathe if there is not enough oxygen in the water
• Camouflage is primary defense against predators, such as fish and waterbirds.  If handled, the frog secretes a sticky, foul-tasting substance
• Collected by local peoples for sale to restaurants (especially marketed to tourists), as well as to make a beverage which is considered an aphrodisiac by local peoples.  Their meat also has some traditional medicinal value (believed to cure tuberculosis)
• Habitat is threatened by climate change and pollution; increased predation and competition pressures from introduced fish species
• Sometimes kept as a display animal at Titicaca-area restaurants to attract tourists.  Has historically fared poorly in captivity, but captive-breeding programs in Bolivia and Peru have shown recent promise.  First breeding in North America at Denver Zoo in 2017

Dr. Seuss at the Zoo in Forest Park

I will never get tired of collecting useless zoo trivia... and today I got a new tidbit that I am thrilled with.  Like ninety-percent of the other zookeepers in the world, I had a copy of If I Ran the Zoo, by Dr. Seuss, as a child.  (Today, March 2nd, would have been his 115th birthday).

The book, if you are unfamiliar with, is crammed full of bizarre, Seussian beasts that the books narrator, Gerald McDrew, stocks his dream zoo with, deciding that lions and elephants are just too boring.  It's a fun read, and the first few lines are some of my favorite in all of literature:

"It's a pretty good zoo said young Gerald McDrew,

And the fellow who runs it seems proud of it too

But if I ran the zoo, said young Gerald McDrew,

I'd make a few changes, that's what I'd do."

But did you ever wonder where Seuss - birth name Theodor Geisel - got the idea?  Perhaps from his dear old dad... who was the superintendent of parks in their hometown of Springfield, Massachusetts... which placed him in charge of the Zoo in Forest Park. 

That's right.  Dr. Seuss had a zookeeper as a dad!

We never can tell who the visitors - especially the children - who enter our zoos and aquariums are gong to become one day.  We never know how our animals - and our interactions with visitors - are going to touch their lives and shape their future.  That's something always worth keeping in mind when you are out on grounds or mingling with the public, or taking those extra five minutes to speak to someone about an animal.

From those encounters, anything can happen...

Satire: The Polar Bears that Weren't

From the Facebook Group "What's the Harm?"

Sarcasm on the Internet can be a dangerous thing.  I guarantee you, there are some people out there who will believe this is real and can't be persuaded otherwise...