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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Ten Things I Never Want to Hear From Zoo Visitors Again…

"I love to go to the zoo.  But not on Sunday.  I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around."

- Ernest Hemingway

Before we get into the list itself, I want to clear something up.  I really do like zoo visitors.  In fact, before I became a keeper, I spent a lot of time as one (and still do!).  I’d say 95 percent of them are good folks, coming to the zoo to learn about the animals or have a good a time with their friends and families.  Still, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s the other 5% that you often remember at the end of the day.  Most of those five percent or so mean no harm, I’m sure.  They just say and do things (tap on glass, for example) that we all find incredibly annoying. 
 
And so, with that in mind, here are ten things I never want to hear from zoo visitors again.'

1.) "Boy, is that animal ugly/smelly/funny-looking!"


Yeah, you know what?  They probably think the same about you. 

2.) "There's supposed to be a ___________ in here..."

There probably is.  You just can’t find it because we care about our animals enough to give them hiding places and privacy.  Besides, when you say “supposed to” like that, it’s like your implying that we’re lying to/cheating you.

3.) "Hey, that [zookeeper/aquarist/other employee] is a funny-looking animal!"

Seriously, do we go to your workplace and make fun of you?   This is a zookeeper version of telling basketball jokes to a tall person.  We’ve heard every version of them, and none of them are funny.  Every single idiot who makes this joke seems to think that they're the first to have thought of it.  Not only are you rude... you're unoriginal.
4.) "Look, he's feeding something!" (as you carry a bottle of bleach, bucket of paint, etc.)

Way to get everyone’s hopes up.  I promise, if I’m about to feed something in public, I’ll let you know.  Until then, let me paint in peace.

5.) "Oh, I want one as a pet!"

No, no you don’t.  Exotic animals are not pets.  We don’t treat our charges as pets, and neither should you.  (Besides, as soon as you tire of – or get injured by – your pet, you’re going to try to pawn it off on the zoo, anyway). 

6.) "Why doesn't it move, can't you make it move?"

Yeah, I can.  I guess I could poke it with a stick or something.  That being said, I could poke you with a stick and I bet you would move.  Wouldn’t like it much though, would you?  Neither would the animal.

7.) "See honey?  This is why you need to go to college, so you don't end up like that [pointing at a zookeeper]."

Now, I’ve never heard this one myself, but enough colleagues have for me to feel that I must include it.  Virtually every zookeeper has at least a college degree, and many have graduate school under their belt.  Even the ones that don't have a lot of formal education under their belts tend to be very intelligent – after all, they have to know all about their charges, and have to solve a constant stream of problems that no sane person would have to deal with.  That’s not the point.  The point is that what you are saying is not only incorrect… it’s just unbelievably rude. 

8.) Any joke about hunting or eating the zoo animals.

Many zookeepers eat meat.  Some hunt.  That doesn’t mean we want to hear you casually joke about killing the animals that we love and care for… assholes.
9.) Any use of the phrase "real zoo" (as in, "Next time let's go to a real zoo...")


I’ve spent a lot of my career working at small zoos, and had to deal with this line.  A zoo isn’t defined by what animals it has on display.  It is defined by what it is does with them – how it cares for them, what mission it serves.  I’ve seen elephants, bears, and big cats in dingy roadside zoos made of chicken wire and two-by-fours.  I’ve seen wonderful, excellent zoos – wholly devoted to conservation and education – without an animal larger than a sheep.
 10.) "The animals look sad/I feel bad for them"


 If you see things wrong with an animal or the way it is cared for, it’s only right to ask questions of the keeper.  When people have concerns, I feel that they should be addressed.  What I can’t stand is when people say this so casually, so lightly, without bothering to find out if there actually is a problem or not.  Think an animal is lonely because you only see one?  Maybe it's solitary and would be stressed out by other animals... or maybe there are others in there that you can't see.  Parents, how would you feel if someone casually criticized you for how you raised children?  That’s kind of how I feel when I hear a visitor, without giving a thought, make a comment like that.   

Did I miss something?  Got your own pet peeve?  Add it in the comments!


Also, don't miss The One Thing I Never Want to Hear from Zoo Staff Again!

15 comments:

  1. Here was one that I could at least laugh about, but some visitors total ignorance about female anatomy and physiology really astounded me.
    Visitor: "Do you milk the cow?" Me: "You mean the one with horns?" (a Barzona cow) Visitor: "No, the big tan one without horns." (a Jersey steer) Me: "No. That's a steer. It's a boy." Visitor: "Oh. Well why don't you milk him?"

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  2. Related to the comment above: While in the beef cow yard or even the goat yard... Visitor: "Why don't you have any girl ones?" Me: "We do, notice the ones nursing young?" Visitor: "Those are boys, they have horns" "Me: "Oh no! You must be right. Someone should stop them!"

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  3. how about visitors making sea lion noises at the otters or any animals noise to the animals. even worse clicking thier tongues and whistleing like they think the animal is going to respond other than walk away.

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    1. I'm a zoologist and I have volunteered/interned in animal care at zoos and exotic animal rescues. Sometimes I make soft clicking sounds with my tongue or little squeaky noises to try to get an animal's attention at the zoo. These little noises never seem to bother the animals, the way banging or tapping on glass would, but will sometimes get their attention so I can see more than just their rumps. I can understand why visitors want to get a good look at the animals in the enclosures because I'm always excited about that. While I agree that making noise to the point of harassment is a problem, I don't think it's inherently a problem to make any noise at all.

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  4. Not correctly identifying animals when there are clear signs as to the species right in front of them. examples: Kangaroo instead of wallaby, baby hammerhead instead of bonnet-head, snake instead of legless lizard, etc.

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    1. or, hey look at the octopus!! ... but its a starfish... ;-)

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  5. When I was a Docent @ the Ft Worth Zoo, I can't tell you how many times I had to stop parents from dangling their children over the alligator/crocodile, javelina, (etc) moats. Also, one time a beef cow was standing next to the fence, Dad put his little girl on top, and WALKED AWAY to take a pic. How stoopid can you get?

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    1. On top of the FENCE, or on top of the COW?

      Neither good, but one significantly MORE stupid than the other. ;)

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  6. We had one man putting his young daughter on his shoulders so she could stick her hand into the wedge tailed eagle enclosure. Good thing someone was there to tell him off, or she may have come back a few fingers short...

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  7. When people comment about crocodiles / alligators just basking or lying in the water,"Are they real? Are they fake?" and you want to say,"How bout I throw you in and you can find out?!"

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  8. I hate it when people roar at the lions, growl at the bears, and make other animal sounds in an attempt to incite a response from the animal. Do I go to your job and make "duh" sounds? Oh and when they tap or knock on the glass I want to kick them in the shins!

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  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. I meant to reply to your comment and accidentally deleted - sorry about that, new to blogging (and newer to actually having comments). If you would like to submit an editorial outlining your feelings (keeping in mind that the readership of this blog is 99% zookeepers), you may do so at zooreviewer@gmail.com

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  10. I haaaaate it when people call out to the animals, like "Hey you! Bear!! I want to see your face! Come here!!"
    No. Just stop.
    You screaming obnoxiously at an animal will only make it turn away from you more. In what world is a wild animal enticed by the sounds of hollering humans? Unless you're looking at a t-rex exhibit, I suggest you shut up.

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  11. (A note from Ryan's wife, who sat down to read this on his screen) I want to thank you for this wonderful list! Pretty sure I've witnessed each and every one and then some. Years ago as a seasonal keeper I was the subject of one of those "go to college" remarks but decided that I liked my job well enough to refrain from responding. Yes, every keeper has to clean up poop, just like every good parent cleans up diapers! That's part of responsible animal husbandry, not some low level position we pay some poor soul to do! Now, as a marine biologist at an aquarium, I have to say that the glass (or in this case, acrylic) tapping is at the top of my peeves. Those seemingly harmless taps, and purposefully obnoxious *bangs* are intensely amplified under water and most unpleasant for both fish and diver! I overlook the small child tapping innocently, but all those adults that pound on the window like a federal agent? You will not be rewarded with smiles and waves from this diver when you make my ears bleed!

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