True Facts About Erik

When I was a kid, one of the most popular joke series was "True Facts About Chuck Norris" - such as "Chuck Norris is the reason that Waldo is hiding" and "Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret" (or, for a zookeeper twist - "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin and created the first giraffe.")  Recently, a zookeeper I follow on social media started a series of facts about him, the tongue-in-cheek (I assume?) world's greatest zookeeper.  And so, I present, credits to their creater...

TRUE FACTS ABOUT ERIK

Erik litter box trained a fish.

Erik had a breeding colony of rubber ducks.

Erik grows the fake plants for his exhibits.

Erik files a report on the USDA inspector.

Erik thaws frozen locks with just a smile.

Erik doesn't use rubber boots because his feet are waterproof.

Erik created the first okapi by breeding a giraffe with a velour pillow.

Erik's love gives flamingoes their pink color.

Lions spray to mark Erik's territory.

Erik freed Willy.

Zoo sponsors pay for the right to name things after him.

He once blow darted an animal with a pill.

Dangerous animals have Erik drills.

Erik once caught a snake by its leg.

All drains slope towards Erik.

Erik once recorded a number one album using only his Leatherman.

He once gave a naked mole rat a haircut.

He told Simon and Garfunkel what was happening at the zoo.

Chuck Norris tells Erik Heinonen jokes.

And there are many, many more, as well as many contributed by other keepers joining the thread (some were a little to esoteric for a general audience).  Thank you Erik Heinonen.  I actually cried reading some of these.