The Web We Weave

"Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking into spiderwebs.

So leave a message and I'll call you back."

- No Doubt, "Spiderwebs"

Fall is my favorite season, but Halloween might be my least favorite holiday to work the zoo.  Part of it is the décor.  I could go mad trying to figure out which cobwebs I'm supposed to knock down and which ones were lovingly spread all over the place by our erstwhile events staff in preparation for trick or treaters.

Ok, it really isn't that hard to tell a real spider web from the cottony-crud that you buy at Spirit Halloween and spread over the place.  Unfortunately, I'm so conditioned to beat down cobwebs that when I see the highly-exaggerated version that is sold as a Halloween decoration, a switch gets flipped in the back of my head and I start looking around for a broom.

Part of it is an aversion to walking into spiderwebs, which I do frequently.  I have probably accidentally eaten 10 pounds of spider silk over the course of my life, with more to inevitably follow.  When going through an area I don't usually frequent, like an old building or storage area, I flail a stick in front of me to try to clear a path, but never fail to miss some and walk into them.  Then, I spend the rest of the day neurotically picking at real (or possibly imagined) strands that are stuck to me.

The second part is general cleanliness.  Cobwebs can collect debris, albeit not much.  Around heat sources, they have potential to become flammable.  More importantly, they are a telltale sign of disorder that USDA inspectors look for and can be probable cause for a write up.  Cynically, I've noticed that some of the USDA inspectors I've had don't really know much about non-domestic animals, and I've wonder if they lazily use cobwebs as something that they can easily look for without delving too deep in the facility.  One could argue that spiderwebs mean spiders, which eat bugs, so cobwebs are a good thing.  I've certainly tried to make that argument before, especially for webs that are very hard to reach (I hate spiderwebs, but I also hate ladders, and I hate it even more when the two conspire to make my day miserable).

Photo Credit: Ojai Raptor Center

On an unrelated note, here's another reason to NOT use fake spiderwebs as Halloween decorations, besides driving me nuts.  Small animals, such as birds, can become entangled in them, possibly dying, at the least undergoing serious stress.  Their material is much stronger than spiderwebs, and surprisingly big birds, the size of which would brush right through real webs, can get trapped.  If you do use the fake webs, try to limit their use to the indoors, where wildlife is less likely to be negatively impacted.  Then, on November 1, take out your broom and clear them all out - the real and the fake alike.