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Monday, January 18, 2016

Zoo Joke: Peppers and Bells

On Mike's first day at a Drive-Thru Safari Park, his curator drove him around in his pick-up truck, showing him all of the animals.

"There's one animal we haven't seen yet," the curator says, "and that's Bruno, our big male grizzly bear.  He's a bit of a monster, so you need to be careful when he's around.  When you're working in the section of the park where he lives, you need to always wear these," he says, handing Mike a set of bells.  "Clip these on your belt.  He hates the noise from them and tends to walk away from them."

"Oh, almost forgot," the curator continued, handing Mike a large red aerosol can.  "Here's your pepper spray.  If you ever forget your bells and see Bruno coming towards you, shoot him with this pepper spray.  It'll blind him for long enough so that you can make an escape."

Well, Mike takes the bells and the pepper spray and makes sure to wear them diligently, never letting them leave his belt no matter where he goes.  After weeks of work, however, he still hasn't met the infamous Bruno.  He continues to hear horror stories about the giant bear, but has no fear.  After all, he's following protocol.  He has his bells, and he has his pepper spray.

One day, he's raking up some spilled hay when the park veterinarian approaches him.

"Hey Mike, if it's not too much trouble, could I get a fecal sample from Bruno?"  Mike says sure, and heads off to the woods where Bruno is known to lurk.

As he walks through the woods, a bear suddenly looms up before him.  Mike shakes his bells at him and, just for measure, lets off a squirt of spray.  The bear runs off in a huff... which is when Mike sees the pile of bear poop, directly next to him.   Scooping it up, he takes it back to the vet, feeling very proud of how he conducted the whole adventure.

The vet takes a look at the poop with a doubtful face.  He measures it, sniffs it, and, for reasons that baffle Mike, holds the bag next to his ear and shakes it.  Then he sighs.  "Sorry Mike, this isn't Bruno's poop.  Can you go back and get a sample of his?"

"Okay," says a confused Mike, "but how do we know this isn't from Bruno?"

"Well," says the vet, "Bruno's poop is much bigger than this.  Also, for reasons I've never been able to understand, it always smells like pepper and has little bells in it."

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