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Monday, February 24, 2020

Book Review: The Tower, The Zoo, and The Tortoise

Pity poor Balthazar Jones. 

A warder, or beefeater, at the Tower of London, Jones has watched stoically as his life – and marriage – have deteriorated steadily since the unexpected death of his young son.   Now, he goes through life in a dream-like stupor, his only interests being his pet tortoise and his newfound fascination with collecting and cataloging types of rain.   When he is finally called onto the carpet of his boss’s office, it is with the expectation that he will finally be fired.

A very different, much less predictable path presents itself.

In the alternate, fictitious world of Julia Stuart, explored in her novel The Tower, The Zoo, and The Tortoise, Queen Elizabeth II has made the most unexpected decision to restore a forgotten piece of the Tower of London’s ancient history – its zoo.  Having recently found herself buried under an avalanche of diplomatic animal gifts from various heads of state from around the globe, HRH decides to put her royal pets in a different setting than the London Zoo.  Having heard of Jones and his long-lived pet tortoise, she decides that he is the man for the job, and quickly commissions the construction of a new menagerie at the Tower. 

Wild animals in makeshift facilities cared for by someone with a passing familiarity with them (in that he has heard of, at least, some of them before they arrived), set in the middle of one of the biggest tourist attractions in one of the biggest cities in the world.

It goes about as well as you would expect, or slightly better than it probably would in real life.

Animals escape.  Animals fight.  Animals cause mischief with antics that most zookeepers would take in stride but which are perhaps not what your average beefeater had in mind when he took the job.   The menagerie becomes increasingly popular and grows.

The animals provide much of the comedy of the novel, but much of the book’s drama is focused around the human characters.  The crumbling marriage of Balthazar and his Greek wife, Hebe, is a central pillar of the book, as the reader is left to wonder how two people drifted so far apart, and whether there is any way that the novelist can nudge them back together.  There is also the rest of the Tower’s human occupants, from a lovelorn preacher who dabbles in written erotica to a vengeful Ravenmaster who is convinced that one of the newfangled animal attractions is responsible for the death of one of his charges, as well as the bizarre circus that is Hebe’s job at the London Underground Lost Property Office.

When I picked Ms. Stuart’s novel off of a library shelf, I’d assumed that it was going to be a period story, set from anywhere between the Middle Ages and the Victorian Era, that would deal with the actual, historical menagerie.  Nope.  This is better.  A lot less realistic, but very humorous and enjoyable.  You certainly won’t learn much about animals from it – and even less about proper zookeeping (I actually cringed at the ongoing plot arc about a pair of albatrosses that are separated by the formation of the new menagerie – one, owned by the Queen, moves to the Tower while it’s mate is left at the London Zoo.  Both birds pine pitifully for each other.  I mean, come on, either leave both or bring both!)

Little fiction about animals is actually about animals, of course.  In most fiction, the animals are introduced to help the author teach us more about ourselves (though you will learn a decent amount about the Tower of London itself).  It’s a fun read – just try not to take it too seriously… I’m certain that the author does.




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