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Sunday, August 5, 2018

Zoo Joke: Ape Apprehension

A zoo director is dismayed to come in one morning and find that one of his chimpanzees has escaped overnight.  After an exhaustive search of zoo grounds, they find him - sitting at the top of a tree, fifty feet off the ground.  No one has any idea of how to get him down.

Fortunately, after a quick internet search they find a listing for Ape Apprehension, Inc.  Not knowing what to expect, they give a call and make an appointment.

Not ten minutes later, a truck pulls in and out jumps a man with a suitcase.  At his heels is a big, mean-looking dog.  After shaking hands all around, the man opens the suitcase to reveal a feather duster, a roll of duct tape, and a sawed-off shotgun.  He takes the feather duster for himself, gives one zookeeper the duct tape, and gives the gun to the other.  The trapper arranges for a big pile of hay to be placed under the chimpanzee, and then turns to the zoo staff, explaining his plan.

"Okay, I've done this many times before, so here is how it works.  I'm going to shimmy up the tree and tickle the chimp with the feather duster.  That'll make him lose his grip and fall - don't worry, the hay will cushion him.  As soon as he hits the ground, Rex her -" indicting the dog "will be on him and bite him in the crotch.  The chimp will immediately grab at his crotch to try and get him off.  That's when you -" he indicates the first zookeeper "take the opportunity to wrap him up in duct tape.  From there, all we have to do is carry him back to the enclosure."

With that all said, the trapper puts the feather duster between his teeth and begins to climb.

"Wait, wait a second," shouts the second zookeeper, brandishing the gun.  "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Oh, that?" the trapper says, taking the duster out from his mouth.  "Simple.  It's never happened before, but if I fall before the ape does... shoot the dog."

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